The Silhouette

The curves. The lines. You must embrace them. You must always notice them.

You are the greatest painting. 

Confessions

I am a baby. Yes, I am. I do not know how to cook a decent meal. I do not wash my own clothes. I do not iron my own clothes. I do not clean our house. 

Maybe I am not a baby. I am inane. I should know how to do these things. But let me redeem myself. I know how to fry chicken, hotdog, egg, and anything that could be fried. I can wash a bit of my garments, but not so much because my hands will be wounded. I can iron the clothes I would wear before going out. I can clean our house, can sweep the floor, can polish the furniture, can wash the dishes. I just opted not to. Well, I am lazy like that. But sorry, I am not a household help material, or wife material, maybe. 

I am someone who needs to be taken care of. There are things that I cannot do on my own. I want to be independent, but as I see it, I am more dependent in contrast to what I believe. 

I snob at people I do not know. I am quiet when meeting new acquaintances. I don’t ask a lot of questions regarding the whereabouts of a person. Simply put, I can be someone who would not care about a person who is far beyond the point of my interest. 

I do not move on too quickly. I keep emotions to myself—anger and sadness. But it still shows. I get depressed easily. I get happy way too fast. I am a moody person and you cannot do anything about it. My family had put up with my moodiness for my entire existence and still I cannot change that fact so drastically. 

But despite of all these flaws that I have, I am still me. I love my family. I love my friends. When I like someone, he will be the only one. 

And I believe that my family loves me and will support me all the way. That my friends will always be my true friends up until my dying day.

All I hope is that there will be someone who will accept my imperfections, love me for me, respect me for not being the one he expects me to be. I just want someone who will see past through all of the things I am not and still love me for who I really am. 

And if there is no someone out there that could accept and love me just the way I am, maybe I will course through my life alone. 

How it feels.

The longer it takes, the lesser I become. The farther I come, the more I become lost. Do you know how it feels? The feeling of slowly becoming the person you must not? The world spins around so quickly. Do you know how it feels? The feeling of being left out while everything moves forward? I’ve read somewhere that we should move on but never move away. How’s that possible? I have to get away so I could move on. But how could I move on when I’m so lost like this? I lost track of my pace. I had yet another detour. A chaos. A lonely journey where no one wants to join me. How could someone leave me at a time like this? I am lost. He was lost. How come we couldn’t be lost in each other? How fate played a trick on us, God only knows. Do you know how it feels? The feeling of finally you’ve been found but after some time you’ll realize you never really were? I felt that kismet betrayed me. I was disappointed. Have I made this decision? Why am I in such a place like this? A strange place where I don’t belong. How did I end up in this mess? How did I come up being like this? Why had I made this step? Is there any explanation to this? Is there a reason for this? Will I be redeemed? Could I ever redeem myself from this? Will I ever get out of this place? Will I ever find the meaning of my life? Do you know how it feels? The feeling of being alive but not knowing why and for whom? For whom do I wake up each morning? No one but for myself, my family, and for my friends. But what about my other pair? The pair of my heart? Where is he? The more I think of him, the lesser the hope I have that he will come. But am I really looking forward for his coming or am I waiting for him to come back?

The more that I ask, the more I become confused.

And the more questions left unanswered.

And the more I feel that I am void.

The more I feel that I am empty.