why august 18, 2008 is a happy day?

I thought August 18, 2008 will be such an ordinary day given that it's a holiday. (though i have to finish doing my assignment in oblico and reviewing for the long test.)

But, it became a wonderful day for me when one of my best friends reminded us that it is our 3rd Anniversary as a barkada! Woah! I totally forgot that it is August 18, 2005 when we made a contract for our story and we all signed it. Oh, that was so fun.
And that's it. An important date for us the Go Go Galaxy Girls.
I love you so, my girls! muah!


Another good thing that had happened in this day was that, my "ex-crush" and I became textmates na! Haha! He said I am cute. Haha! So laret. hahahaha!


Then, the most important event that had happened for this day was when my best friend(my dear) texted me and he wants to make ammends. That was the best holiday gift ever! And so, we're okay na. Back in each other's arms na. Awh. Never felt this great. I miss that guy sooo much. And he missed me too! Haha!

*another thing that made me happy is when I saw Tiu in his new TV show. waah! I'll get to watch him once a week since I can't watch his games and his other show. haha.
*i got my new haircut too! at ystilo salon.haha.

This day is really a blessing. I can't ask for more. Thank you my Lord. muah!

..shey..

August 03, 2008 Sunday

For me, a heartfelt mass comes to me rarely. Or should I say, it is just once in a while for me to enjoy and really learn from a mass. As being a choir member, I seldom feel that I’m really into what I sing. Shame, but I don’t often experience such a wonderful mass wherein I really listen in the homily and sing with my whole heart on it for God. Yeah, I’m ashamed of being like that sometimes. I always ask God for his forgiveness about all these things. *sigh*

A great factor maybe for this is the diversion my mind creates, and so as my fellow choir mates. We usually chitchat about our week whenever the priest is doing his homily. Shame on us, don’t you think? Awh.

But the rare heartfelt mass that I was mentioning came to me unexpectedly last August 03, 2008. I don’t know but maybe because of the celebrant of the mass which is my favorite priest ever, I settled myself to listen to the whole mass, participate on it, and sing as if I’m not the one who’s singing. It is a great mass indeed. I learned so many things and I felt that God is beside me, listening to my song for him. I don’t even care if I sang the wrong notes.

The priest asked us about on what we usually want to find. Money? Work? Our other half? No. it must not be like that, he said. He mentioned that what we must really find is freedom. But then, what is freedom for us? Doing what we want? Going to the place we want? No. Not really like that I think. From what he said, find freedom. You are free when you can do what you have to do. Right, isn’t it? We must not do what we just want. We are not free then. You just make those things that you want to do but you don’t have to act that way necessarily. Personally, I think I’m not free. Why? Oh, just because I cannot perform things that I have to do. I know that I need to help people in my own way but I just can’t bring up myself to accomplish it because I think I don’t have the means. And so on, and so on…

Next, find joy. Find happiness in others. Surely, you’ll be happy also. You cannot discover happiness only with yourself. Have you ever saw a person who has this big smile and sparkling eyes you can’t help but smile, too? Did you ever experience to see an elated group of people and suddenly you also feel you can jump for joy and join their feast? Oh, maybe I did experience it once or twice. But I think it’ll be great if every time I’m sad I will encounter one person who can erase my sadness.

And lastly, seek God, the true happiness and peace. Find Him at the bottom of our hearts and everything will be okay. He’s our only refuge. When you can’t find anyone else to turn to, find Him. Call Him in the middle of your darkness. Surely, He won’t turn you down. He’s the only reliable one. I do this, really. Whenever I feel alone, I’ll just talk to Him. I know He listens and that gives me comfort.

He ended the mass with his usual "assignment" that we must do for the week. And that is we must do our bucket list. Hm. I wrote 10. But I can't help but write and write more. haha.

After that mass, it elevated my feelings. I felt light. I hope I’ll experience this every Sunday. It’s a great feeling.

--shey--

just a tumble of my thoughts...

a lot of things had been going around my life now. they all seem so new to me. it's as if, i know they exist but i didn't expect that i'll encounter them. they cloud my mind. i can't think straight about them, or should i say about just one of them. i am even afraid of thinking about it. it's a worry. they are my worries.
and here they are:

+i can't decide if i'll challenge myself on having a boyfriend or just stick to my studies. there's weighing of options here. pros and cons.
--if i'll have him as a boyfriend, it'll be something of an experience for me in my college life which my friends consistently trying to make me do it. but if i don't, they'll think and subconsciously i can say that yes, maybe i'll miss half of my college life if i won't have boyfriend during these days of my life. but then again, i don't think i can handle such situation. who or what will i prioritize? him or my studies? yeah, i know it must be my studies. so what's the point of asking? but then there is this what they call balancing of priorities. yeah right. i don't know if i know how to do that. hell. *sigh*

+another thing: the incoming induction night of our organization. it's a lot of work, yes. but i don't think i do much about it. i mean, it's as if i can't do anything about it. only my other officers are working. where's my contribution then? i think of myself useless. i also think that we'll gonna screw this up because our advisers have so much to say about our preparation, coordination, and communication. i always think, don't you think! harhar. i'm losing my head here.

+next is about my grades. hell, but i'm becoming a grade maniac. what's been happening to me? har. but i can't blame myself. there's so many of them that expect i can make it again this time. but another part of me says that why should i think about them? okay, i'll set them aside. but what about my self disappointment? a dilemma in here again. but come on! why do i have to think this way?! this is just sooo.

+then another one is my not being exactly a friend to my barkada. i don't know. i hardly see and be with them now. i'm even having a hard time opening up with them. waah! what's been happening to me? but i guess, this is another point in my life wherein i have to experience all these things just to make it to the next step. i love my friends, i really do. but sometimes i just don't think i'm worthy of their friendship.

+ah! another big hit! there's this someone older than me and older than my aunt whom i feel he's attracted to me! to think i just see him as a big brother. awh, he's becoming annoying and persistent. i don't think i must say rude things about him considering he had done so much for me, which is more alarming! i don't know if i'm just assuming or there's really something that can be of evidence in my theory. argh! i don't like this. i don't feel that i can handle that situation. i mean, hello? but then again, my friends tell me, "why not?" yeah right, why not...why not kayo dian! hahaha.

maybe i just think too much to the point of thinking something of no importance. maybe i'm wrong about my presumptions, more on the latter part that i've mention i guess.

haay. this is such a stressful period of my life. i just don't want to worry myself about them. what will come, will come. one day at a time.

...=)

'shey

-these are my bestfriends. we are the galaxy girls!
that's me, the first in line.
then it's lea, erika,sheen,em and tin!
c;
miss them so much. awh,