wala kahit sino man ang makakaintindi ng nararamdaman ko dahil kahit ang mismo ang sarili ko ay di ko maintindihan. maraming mga bagay ang sa tingin ko ay kulang sa aking pagkatao. marami akong gustong makita, maramdaman at makuha. pero sadyang ang mga bagay-bagay sa aking kapaligiran ang siyang mismong pumipigil na gawin ko ang mga bagay na gusto ko. sinasabi ng karamihan, "walang dapat makapipigil sa'yo kung talagang nanaisin mo." pero hindi ba kalabisan naman kung iisipin mo lang ang 'yong sarili? paano ang pamilya mo? paano ang mga kaibigan mo? paano ang lahat ng mga taong nagmamahal sa'yo?
hindi madaling hanapin ang mga bagay na nawawala sa buhay mo. marami kang matatapakan. marami kang masasaktan. at hindi malayong pati ang sarili mo ay magdusa dahil ang inaakala mong dapat mong ginagawa ay hindi naman kailangan para sa paglaya ng 'yong sarili.
iniisip ko madalas, bakit ang lupit ng tadhana? sa dinarami-rami ng pwedeng maranasan bakit ang buhay na 'to ang siyang napunta sa'kin? matagal na akong di kontento sa anong mayroon ako. marahil 'yon ang dahilan kung bakit nalulumbay pa rin ako. kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay di pa rin ako maligaya.
hindi ko kayang lumayo upang hanapin ang nawawala. ngunit sa wari ko'y unti-unti ko ng nalilimot kung sino ba talaga ako. gustong-gusto kong hanapin ang mga nawawala at ang mga bagay na sa wari ko'y akin dapat. ngunit ipinapahiwatig ng pagkakataon na hindi pa ito ang takdang panahon. kailan naman kaya, kung ganoon?
sawang-sawa na akong maghintay. subalit para bang iyon lamang ang dapat. marahil ay kailangan ko lamang matutong maging pasensiyosa. siguro ay darating din 'yon. huwag ko lamang pagtuunan ng panahon, dadap na 'yun sa aking mga palad.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
what is mine?
i was wondering, as i am sure every girl in this world is: who is my prince charming?
will i be like Elizabeth Bennet who didn't like her Mr. Darcy at first sight?
or will it be like with what had happened with Marianne Dashwood who spent tearful nights because her Mr. Willoughby had actually been engaged to somebody else?
will my prince charming be like Pip who had loved his Estella from the time he set his eyes on her and will do anything just to have her?
or will he be something like Heathcliff who selfishly loved his Catherine to destruction, where death can't take them apart?
every love story here in the world is somehow the same. prince met his princess, something will test their feelings, and they'll just either end up together or not at all. funny how the universe play in our lives.
it's always our choice, destiny is not something we should rely on.
you make your own path. you make your own way to which you'll take.
you should learn to deal with things, muster some courage, say a little prayer. determination.faith.
every human being asks for many things when all they need is one--love.
from the beginning of time, we were taught how to love but it seems not all of us had mastered the art of loving...and being loved.
who then is mine? who is yours? no one knows until they've chance upon it. one great love. do all of people in this world found theirs? what is there to give, what is there to gain? all life story is written by the same hand. what is mine then? what is there to choose from? as all lives being connected, had my someone been tapped on his back and realized there i was, waiting for him?
it has always been waiting. i chose to wait but nothing happened. is that the way of telling me that's not the road? will i choose to act? oh, yes, maybe...i must act. i should.
will i be like Elizabeth Bennet who didn't like her Mr. Darcy at first sight?
or will it be like with what had happened with Marianne Dashwood who spent tearful nights because her Mr. Willoughby had actually been engaged to somebody else?
will my prince charming be like Pip who had loved his Estella from the time he set his eyes on her and will do anything just to have her?
or will he be something like Heathcliff who selfishly loved his Catherine to destruction, where death can't take them apart?
every love story here in the world is somehow the same. prince met his princess, something will test their feelings, and they'll just either end up together or not at all. funny how the universe play in our lives.
it's always our choice, destiny is not something we should rely on.
you make your own path. you make your own way to which you'll take.
you should learn to deal with things, muster some courage, say a little prayer. determination.faith.
every human being asks for many things when all they need is one--love.
from the beginning of time, we were taught how to love but it seems not all of us had mastered the art of loving...and being loved.
who then is mine? who is yours? no one knows until they've chance upon it. one great love. do all of people in this world found theirs? what is there to give, what is there to gain? all life story is written by the same hand. what is mine then? what is there to choose from? as all lives being connected, had my someone been tapped on his back and realized there i was, waiting for him?
it has always been waiting. i chose to wait but nothing happened. is that the way of telling me that's not the road? will i choose to act? oh, yes, maybe...i must act. i should.
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