too novice? haha.
i intend to improve. c;
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
the real moving on...
This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting. It’s also the time that I’ve been dreading to come. I’ve waited for this because I’m already trapped in my past. I’m dreading it because I still hope that we can be “us”.
But all the same, we’re over. It started when i texted him:
John nicole. Balu ku mimwa ka. Hay. Eku balu ot mipakanyan pa. Wa, atin kung kasalanan nia manyad kung tawad. Sorry talaga. Balu ku gang kanita pa etana talaga maging friends. Marakal ng melyari. Nung apanasakit daka, mas apanasakitan mu ku dating dati pa. buri ku ng mayari ini. Sorry talaga.
Good luck namu keka. may God bless you.
12:15:45 am 15.07.08
And his reply was:
G0odm0rning, sensya enaku mekapagreply nabengi..Ma2d2d nku knta... Ekuman buring malyari ini, pero palage ku ini ing dapat.. Balu ku madagul a madagul ing kasalanan ku keka, a bigger s0rry 4 u... Mas marakal nku kasalanan keka eh! ika n ring sinabi n buri munang mayari ini, hmm,,honestly, aku dn...though awkward man para kaku na itxt dka eku balu bt gagawan ku, pero siguru apin namu ini ing paralan dat wud set us free... I'm sorry and at d same tym i thank y0u 4 d thngs i've learned... Thank y0u kc nung ala ka, cguru aku p rn itang dating jeyen, ngeni s0ring maragul kc kylangan k png manasakit bayu ku mabyasa... Though meyari tamu mang makanini atleast with0ut leaving us blank, we're better... Balu ku masakit kalingwan ing eganagana, don't wori i'll do my part so us to 4get evrythng.. Last text kune keka ini, sana ituring muneng pr0per closure ini 4 us to m0ve on.. Don't wori God is g0od mkaganti k rn...heheü thank you very much! Pakigreet pala i ivan... tnxü Haay,, mkaba neh, ala nku asabi bsta fr0m d b0tt0m of my heart i'm so s0o sorry... Take care and God bLess... tsk..tsk..tsk.. ö^_^ö
10:19:17 am 15.07.08
And my last reply was:
atin kupang buring abalu mu. Pero sguru blu mu naman. Liguran dakang malambat. Eku blu bkt, bsta mknta.
Ngeni, goodluck namu. I wish for your happiness. Buri ku pg akakit dka ing aalala kumu dng msyang mem0ries.
Goodluck kekyung caril. Haha. O kung ninu man. Emu na palyaring mkpnskt kpa.
Mingat lagi. God bless you.
10:32:28 am 15.07.08
And that was it. This is the reality. The real turning point of my life. I've loved him for so long. But all I got were heartaches and of course unforgettable experiences. And I have to tell myself that this is the most favorable time to move on because I can no longer hope that maybe someday we can be together. Because we're sooo over now. The most beautiful and painful chapter of my life is now officially closed. :(
Well, I know I can get by. GO!
But all the same, we’re over. It started when i texted him:
John nicole. Balu ku mimwa ka. Hay. Eku balu ot mipakanyan pa. Wa, atin kung kasalanan nia manyad kung tawad. Sorry talaga. Balu ku gang kanita pa etana talaga maging friends. Marakal ng melyari. Nung apanasakit daka, mas apanasakitan mu ku dating dati pa. buri ku ng mayari ini. Sorry talaga.
Good luck namu keka. may God bless you.
12:15:45 am 15.07.08
And his reply was:
G0odm0rning, sensya enaku mekapagreply nabengi..Ma2d2d nku knta... Ekuman buring malyari ini, pero palage ku ini ing dapat.. Balu ku madagul a madagul ing kasalanan ku keka, a bigger s0rry 4 u... Mas marakal nku kasalanan keka eh! ika n ring sinabi n buri munang mayari ini, hmm,,honestly, aku dn...though awkward man para kaku na itxt dka eku balu bt gagawan ku, pero siguru apin namu ini ing paralan dat wud set us free... I'm sorry and at d same tym i thank y0u 4 d thngs i've learned... Thank y0u kc nung ala ka, cguru aku p rn itang dating jeyen, ngeni s0ring maragul kc kylangan k png manasakit bayu ku mabyasa... Though meyari tamu mang makanini atleast with0ut leaving us blank, we're better... Balu ku masakit kalingwan ing eganagana, don't wori i'll do my part so us to 4get evrythng.. Last text kune keka ini, sana ituring muneng pr0per closure ini 4 us to m0ve on.. Don't wori God is g0od mkaganti k rn...heheü thank you very much! Pakigreet pala i ivan... tnxü Haay,, mkaba neh, ala nku asabi bsta fr0m d b0tt0m of my heart i'm so s0o sorry... Take care and God bLess... tsk..tsk..tsk.. ö^_^ö
10:19:17 am 15.07.08
And my last reply was:
atin kupang buring abalu mu. Pero sguru blu mu naman. Liguran dakang malambat. Eku blu bkt, bsta mknta.
Ngeni, goodluck namu. I wish for your happiness. Buri ku pg akakit dka ing aalala kumu dng msyang mem0ries.
Goodluck kekyung caril. Haha. O kung ninu man. Emu na palyaring mkpnskt kpa.
Mingat lagi. God bless you.
10:32:28 am 15.07.08
And that was it. This is the reality. The real turning point of my life. I've loved him for so long. But all I got were heartaches and of course unforgettable experiences. And I have to tell myself that this is the most favorable time to move on because I can no longer hope that maybe someday we can be together. Because we're sooo over now. The most beautiful and painful chapter of my life is now officially closed. :(
Well, I know I can get by. GO!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
big mistake
everything became blurred. i don't know what to do. or should i say i know what to do but don't know where to start. the pressures in school are normal. but a problem with some friends is just so new to me. i just can't take this all at once. i know I 've done something wrong. but they also have! why do i feel that I'm the villain here? i just can't help but feel super bad! i don't know how to fix this. my guy best friend and i were just a history now. why does it have to be like this? I'm hurting. i hope they know that. it all started last April 18-19,2008, Fontana. we're so excited about this summer getaway. we all had fun in that night. we didn't know something will happen that will shake our friendship. i also don't know how all of these misunderstandings became so chaotic. me against them. i feel so alone. --"that day was a mistake. it didn't bring us closer. it created a big gap between us. so much remorse. but we'll never be the same again. oh, dear. ;c"--
Monday, July 7, 2008
why i'm into it
I can still remember my very first diary and the day I had it. And it is still in my possession. It is color green and yellow with a “Hello Bugi! I will study the ideas and dreams of our history to see how they can help me today” in the cover. I bought that diary with my mom and baby brother on December 10, 2001 (my dad’s birthday). I had my very first entry on Bugi (that’s how I call my diary) in a Jollibee restaurant at 5 o’clock in the afternoon.
As I read my entries back then, I can’t help but laugh at my folly. My handwriting then was so big! And I listed there the codenames of my elementary classmates. If one of them will see those, I and my barkada will definitely be doomed! I also wrote my crushes there. There are also some worries that an ordinary elementary girl would experience. Some are the puppy love, fight with a best friend, carelessness of an immature girl and many more. I just can’t believe I captured my thoughts and feelings in a common notebook and can actually bring me back to those times.
High school life came. I didn’t give up my journals. Though most of what had happened in my most special and delightful experiences were not documented. I deeply regret not constantly writing back then. Good thing I listed my classmates and teachers each school year. c; There’s also a page wherein I wrote about my true and eternal friends: the G4. I didn’t know then that they will stick with me for very long. I also had written something about some serious crushes like my ultimate crush. Mind you, he’s still my crush until now that’s why he’s the ultimate. Hahaha!
The pages of Bugi were all now filled with my evolving penmanship. That’s why I used another one. This time it’s a yellow notebook with a big hamburger in front (I love hamburgers!) My entries there were about my incomplete college life already (I’m just in my 3rd year) and of course, about my first heartaches. I also write some of the quotes from books that really touched my life. Ridiculous it may seem but I kept a record of some of the text messages of my first love. Hahaha!
From a child to a grown up girl yet to be lady, I can say that pen and paper is my very first best friend. I don’t only write in my official journals but also in any piece of paper or just anywhere I would like. I just write and write whenever I feel the urge.
Even if there’s already a blog, I will still love to write with my own hand. It will be a little more personal. And it’s an enchanting feeling to read your thoughts and feelings in your own handwriting after 10 years, saying to yourself, “so silly of me” or “really? I did that?” Laughing but knowing that all of those that were written are a big part of you.
As I read my entries back then, I can’t help but laugh at my folly. My handwriting then was so big! And I listed there the codenames of my elementary classmates. If one of them will see those, I and my barkada will definitely be doomed! I also wrote my crushes there. There are also some worries that an ordinary elementary girl would experience. Some are the puppy love, fight with a best friend, carelessness of an immature girl and many more. I just can’t believe I captured my thoughts and feelings in a common notebook and can actually bring me back to those times.
High school life came. I didn’t give up my journals. Though most of what had happened in my most special and delightful experiences were not documented. I deeply regret not constantly writing back then. Good thing I listed my classmates and teachers each school year. c; There’s also a page wherein I wrote about my true and eternal friends: the G4. I didn’t know then that they will stick with me for very long. I also had written something about some serious crushes like my ultimate crush. Mind you, he’s still my crush until now that’s why he’s the ultimate. Hahaha!
The pages of Bugi were all now filled with my evolving penmanship. That’s why I used another one. This time it’s a yellow notebook with a big hamburger in front (I love hamburgers!) My entries there were about my incomplete college life already (I’m just in my 3rd year) and of course, about my first heartaches. I also write some of the quotes from books that really touched my life. Ridiculous it may seem but I kept a record of some of the text messages of my first love. Hahaha!
From a child to a grown up girl yet to be lady, I can say that pen and paper is my very first best friend. I don’t only write in my official journals but also in any piece of paper or just anywhere I would like. I just write and write whenever I feel the urge.
Even if there’s already a blog, I will still love to write with my own hand. It will be a little more personal. And it’s an enchanting feeling to read your thoughts and feelings in your own handwriting after 10 years, saying to yourself, “so silly of me” or “really? I did that?” Laughing but knowing that all of those that were written are a big part of you.
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