How it feels.

The longer it takes, the lesser I become. The farther I come, the more I become lost. Do you know how it feels? The feeling of slowly becoming the person you must not? The world spins around so quickly. Do you know how it feels? The feeling of being left out while everything moves forward? I’ve read somewhere that we should move on but never move away. How’s that possible? I have to get away so I could move on. But how could I move on when I’m so lost like this? I lost track of my pace. I had yet another detour. A chaos. A lonely journey where no one wants to join me. How could someone leave me at a time like this? I am lost. He was lost. How come we couldn’t be lost in each other? How fate played a trick on us, God only knows. Do you know how it feels? The feeling of finally you’ve been found but after some time you’ll realize you never really were? I felt that kismet betrayed me. I was disappointed. Have I made this decision? Why am I in such a place like this? A strange place where I don’t belong. How did I end up in this mess? How did I come up being like this? Why had I made this step? Is there any explanation to this? Is there a reason for this? Will I be redeemed? Could I ever redeem myself from this? Will I ever get out of this place? Will I ever find the meaning of my life? Do you know how it feels? The feeling of being alive but not knowing why and for whom? For whom do I wake up each morning? No one but for myself, my family, and for my friends. But what about my other pair? The pair of my heart? Where is he? The more I think of him, the lesser the hope I have that he will come. But am I really looking forward for his coming or am I waiting for him to come back?

The more that I ask, the more I become confused.

And the more questions left unanswered.

And the more I feel that I am void.

The more I feel that I am empty.