just a tumble of my thoughts...

a lot of things had been going around my life now. they all seem so new to me. it's as if, i know they exist but i didn't expect that i'll encounter them. they cloud my mind. i can't think straight about them, or should i say about just one of them. i am even afraid of thinking about it. it's a worry. they are my worries.
and here they are:

+i can't decide if i'll challenge myself on having a boyfriend or just stick to my studies. there's weighing of options here. pros and cons.
--if i'll have him as a boyfriend, it'll be something of an experience for me in my college life which my friends consistently trying to make me do it. but if i don't, they'll think and subconsciously i can say that yes, maybe i'll miss half of my college life if i won't have boyfriend during these days of my life. but then again, i don't think i can handle such situation. who or what will i prioritize? him or my studies? yeah, i know it must be my studies. so what's the point of asking? but then there is this what they call balancing of priorities. yeah right. i don't know if i know how to do that. hell. *sigh*

+another thing: the incoming induction night of our organization. it's a lot of work, yes. but i don't think i do much about it. i mean, it's as if i can't do anything about it. only my other officers are working. where's my contribution then? i think of myself useless. i also think that we'll gonna screw this up because our advisers have so much to say about our preparation, coordination, and communication. i always think, don't you think! harhar. i'm losing my head here.

+next is about my grades. hell, but i'm becoming a grade maniac. what's been happening to me? har. but i can't blame myself. there's so many of them that expect i can make it again this time. but another part of me says that why should i think about them? okay, i'll set them aside. but what about my self disappointment? a dilemma in here again. but come on! why do i have to think this way?! this is just sooo.

+then another one is my not being exactly a friend to my barkada. i don't know. i hardly see and be with them now. i'm even having a hard time opening up with them. waah! what's been happening to me? but i guess, this is another point in my life wherein i have to experience all these things just to make it to the next step. i love my friends, i really do. but sometimes i just don't think i'm worthy of their friendship.

+ah! another big hit! there's this someone older than me and older than my aunt whom i feel he's attracted to me! to think i just see him as a big brother. awh, he's becoming annoying and persistent. i don't think i must say rude things about him considering he had done so much for me, which is more alarming! i don't know if i'm just assuming or there's really something that can be of evidence in my theory. argh! i don't like this. i don't feel that i can handle that situation. i mean, hello? but then again, my friends tell me, "why not?" yeah right, why not...why not kayo dian! hahaha.

maybe i just think too much to the point of thinking something of no importance. maybe i'm wrong about my presumptions, more on the latter part that i've mention i guess.

haay. this is such a stressful period of my life. i just don't want to worry myself about them. what will come, will come. one day at a time.

...=)

'shey